I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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