I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
