WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
