A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
