When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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