can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
