Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
