my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
