No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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