I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
