I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
