fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
