she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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