drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
