Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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