i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
