Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
