I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
