do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
