Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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