Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
