I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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