its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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