i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
