I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
