It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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