Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
