They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
