No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think my moral compass just broke
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