I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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