I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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