Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
