I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
