so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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