your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
