it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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