I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your cock deserves a montage
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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