You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
