I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
