fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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