casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
