Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
