I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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