So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
