What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
