i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
