so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
