she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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