I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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