Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
