Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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