You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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