if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
